when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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