How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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