They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
