I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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