Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
