Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
