When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
