i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
