im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
