she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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