toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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