I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
