My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you inspire me to be a worse person
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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