I'm so fucking centered right now
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
