Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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