Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
