We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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