My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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