I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
