So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
