i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
