Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Let's get the cat blown out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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