I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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