My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Mom said you looked used
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
