um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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