Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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