The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
