Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
