The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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