Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
