look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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