Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
