piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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