And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
