im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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