this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Less talking, more tequila
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
