you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
as a side note pls kill me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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