Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
