Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
