I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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