So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
