i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
