i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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