I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
