Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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