Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
