At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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