When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
