moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
