I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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