I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
