I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize