Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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