Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
