I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
