Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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