First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
