Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
