You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
