i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
