If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
