Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
