My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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