Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
