Can i not drive my cunt home
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
