I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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