I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
