I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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