I hate all girls vehemently.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
then he tried to convert me to islam
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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