I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
